


Feeling

by gb1701



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Star Trek I: The Motion Picture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-24 12:36:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9727154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gb1701/pseuds/gb1701
Summary: Jim didn't fully understand what happened on Vulcan, why Spock did not complete the ritual and receive pure logic.  For now, he was content to have him near and he silently thanked the universe for bringing Spock back to him.





	

"...Is there nothing more?"

  
Jim Kirk maintained his firm grip on Spock's hand. He wished they could forever be joined. The thought of being apart from Spock for even a day terrified him. Without Spock there was an emptiness in his very soul, an aching that grew stronger with each year Spock was away pursuing the Kolinahr. Jim didn't fully understand what happened on Vulcan, why Spock did not complete the ritual and receive pure logic. For now, he was content to have him near and he silently thanked the universe for bringing Spock back to him.  
One by one the medical personnel had silently left the room. Jim did not notice until Doctor McCoy placed a warm hand on his shoulder. He took in the view of the refurbished sickbay; sterile and cold. It smelled different.

  
"Call me if you need anything, Jim. I'll be in the office." he punctuated with a nod of his head towards a door across the room. Jim smiled and McCoy left them.  
Spock remained laid on the bed, gazing at the ceiling and visibly exhausted after his attempt to mind meld with V'ger. His eyes flitted across to Jim's eyes briefly to survey his expression. Jim turned and perched on the edge of the bed. He looked at his hands, both still wrapped around Spock's and sighed.

  
"My God, Spock...you scared me back there. I'm getting too old for this." he smiled at Spock, who had turned look at Jim. He felt a slight squeeze from Spock's hand and he winked at him.

  
"Spock, I...really missed you."

"I know, Jim." Spock spoke so low that Jim only just heard him. He stretched his left arm out so that he could hold Spock's upper arm. Soft and warm under his hand which was rough and worn from years of tedious paperwork. Several minutes of silence passed before Jim shifted farther up the bed to be closer to Spock. Tears were slowly spilling from his eyes, they rolled down the sides of his face, passed his pointed ears and fell silently onto the pillow.

"Spock..." Jim whispered and moved his hand to hold Spock's shoulder. He knew he had been through a great deal, McCoy had mentioned neurological trauma but he couldn't help wondering what effect the meld had had on Spock psychologically.  
Spock turned his head to look at Jim's hand. He moved his head so that his cheek was almost resting on Jim's fingers and slowly blinked. Jim could feel Spock's breath on his wrist and he closed his eyes as if trying to commit the feeling to memory.  
Spock looked up at Jim. He studied his features. A minute frown, mouth slightly open. His hair had greyed a lot since he had seen him last. There were new lines around his eyes. Laughter lines, Spock remembered somebody once calling them. That seemed logical, Jim used to smile ever so much. He lifted his hand and reached to place it on Jim's shoulder. Jim's eyes opened then. He smiled that brilliant smile Spock remembered so well. The corners of his own mouth lifted slightly in response and he lifted Jim's hand up to hold the side of his face. With his thumb, Jim wiped away the tracks left by his tears. His index finger gently rubbed the impossibly soft skin of Spock's earlobe.

"You know, when you left I couldn't help wondering if it was...because of me." Jim said quietly, shyly.  
Spock's expression became stern and he started to sit up. After much repositioning and shuffling he gave his reply.

"My reason for leaving was entirely personal. I apologise. You were not at fault. Please do not trouble yourself with such thoughts, Jim."

"Spock...what happened on Vulcan?" Jim asked. He observed Spock closely, hoping he had not posed an unwanted question.

"As you know, the Kolinahr is meant to purge oneself of all emotion and become a purely logical being." Jim nodded and Spock continued. "I could not go through with it. To purge myself of all emotion..." his gaze fell to the floor beside him, "...would be to rid myself of all the friendships which I have taken so many years to build."  
Spock grasped both of Jim's hands in his.

"To rid myself of _this._ This feeling, Jim. I feel love for you. I can love you. I _do_ love you. So much."  
Spock's deep brown eyes were glistening with tears again. "I could not trade this for all the logic in the universe."

Jim took him by the shoulders. "Spock, I never want to be apart from you again." He took a deep, shaky breath and continued, "Thank you...for coming back."  
Spock wrapped his bare arms around Jim's warm body and buried his face in his neck.

"Thank you so much." Jim repeated.  
Jim held Spock's head to his chest and sought out one of his hands to hold.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't sleep last night cos I'm poorly so I wrote this on my iPad at 1am.  
> This Simple Feeling is all I ever think about and it breaks my heart that Jim drops Spock's hand to answer the intercom. I could probably write infinite variations of my ideas about that scene. Breaks my fcking heart lol


End file.
